license to kill

The past few days, I have been under a dignified cause of defending our house against the infiltration of the stupid, arrogant, world-domineering ants. Ugh, it’s serious; they’re getting on my nerves rather exceptionally. Heavens, they’re everywhere! I wouldn’t have minded it too much if only they had opted to keep their lame a$$es within the walls of the house, but no, the pompous beasts thought it even grandiose to extend their dominion over our FOOD –the food we eat – the food which I fight tooth and nail just to keep clean – the very same ones which these little brutes just stamped on sloppily. Were they nuts? Did they think that my food were some kind of a prairie they could stroll on anytime? The hell. $%^&*($#@

Seriously, I have never felt more murderous in my entire life than I do right now.
I’m currently striving to device ways –creative ways by which I could give the buggers a well-deserved vindictive death. Ant sprays are off the list since they’re not brutal enough. I want the ants to have, as much as possible, a slow agonizing painful death. With ant sprays, it’s an easy swift death – that’s too generous. So nope, not an option. Nevertheless, I’m open for suggestions.